I dated while I was a single mother, and so has one of my daughters and several of my friends. Our dating advice can be found below.
For many folks, there are different types of dates and dating. My friends and I used to jokingly categorize dating into three major classifications: sport dating, convenience dating, and love dating. Love dating should be pretty self-explanatory. And in any case, the dating game can turn serious in a heartbeat.
People used to make dates with folks they knew from church, from work, from a shared hobby, or through a friend. Nowadays, however, anyone can pretend to be anything on the internet, and that includes dating websites. That cute guy you met at an online dating site might appear to be a handsome philanthropic doctor, when in real life, he could just as easily be Attila the Hun or Freddy Kruger.
Believe me, I speak from personal experience — on both sides of the coin. Of course, you might be a single parent through the death of a spouse or significant other.
The Logical Benefits of Single Parent Dating
If your kids are close to their estranged parent, accepting a new romantic interest in your life might be difficult for them. If, however, your interest in a person has progressed to love dating, the kids will have to be involved sooner or later.
If your guy or girl sincerely likes your kids, the kids will pick up on it. Just let the relationship with the children evolve gradually and naturally. I used to really turn up my nose at online dating. I keep hearing from my single pals how hard it is to find people these days. Internet dating can be a quick and efficient way to find prospective partners.
Some of the potentially awkward ground work has already been done for you. It can be like a smorgasbord!
Dating Sites for Single Parents
Besides, not everyone on dating websites uses current photos of themselves. Some might not even use real photographs of themselves. For a few online dating tips, check out the next section. The first one is to be realistic.
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Think about location. If you live in Florida and find a perfect guy or girl who lives in Alaska, what are the chances that a relationship is even feasible? You have to use your head here and put your fluttering heart on hold. Try to look for people who live in your part of the country. Other online dating tips involve honesty.
When you write a profile, be honest. If things progress, the other person is going to see the real you sooner or later. Post a recent picture, and tell as much about yourself as you can in the number of words allowed. Providing the state in which you reside is specific enough for the general population on dating websites. And speaking of honesty, it works both ways. You have no way of knowing just how honest the other people on dating sites are, either. Read profiles carefully. Most people share their interests and hobbies on their profiles, too, so you might be able to tell if you have something in common.
In my personal opinion, the most important online dating tips have to do with safety, especially for single mothers. If you and your prospect both have webcams, that could be a good place to start. That way, you can actually see the person as you chat back and forth. And this might sound extreme or a little paranoid, but many people are now using background checks on people they meet online.
Okay, guys, this is for you. For most mothers, the kids come first, and for single moms, the need to protect their children is sometimes even stronger. Some kids, especially those who have a good relationship with their dads, often hold out hope that their parents will get back together. In that case, you represent a monkey wrench in their plans. The last thing kids like that need or deserve is more heartache.
Be nice, of course, but be yourself. In other words, allow them to make most of the overtures of friendship. When I met my husband, I had three young children. He, on the other hand, had never had kids.
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It took a little adjusting, of course, but the kids grew to love him. Their biological father was pretty much absent, as he saw the kids only two or three times a year. My kids came to see their stepfather, my new husband, as their father. Try to hold your tongue on decisions about the kids, unless your opinion is requested, or unless something really outlandish or dangerous is involved.
Just be patient. Remember that such a man has other obligations, in both his time and his financial responsibilities. Never try to come between a man and his children! Instead of feeling jealous of the time and money the man spends in regard to his children, you should admire his commitment.
It probably means he can be just as committed to you, too. In any case, it shows his maturity and his sense of responsibility. He knows how to put the needs of others before his own desires and needs. Take mental notes. Is he patient, affectionate, caring, and fun?
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Or is he short-tempered, emotionally cold, and boring? Yes, there are men like that, and I know a couple of them. They get the kids all excited with big promises, but most of the time, the plans never materialize. What kind of man would continuously lie to his own children? I would never trust a guy like that.
Single mothers need to follow special precautions. Sorry if you think this seems sexist, but women are more physically vulnerable than men are, generally speaking. Unfortunately, it happens all too often to women, with males playing the part of perpetrator. Single moms dating also have to take the safety of their children into consideration.
Also, on the first date, meet him at a public place, where there are plenty of people around.
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