If you can work it out to fall back IN love, it will be so so worth it.
I’m torn between my girlfriend and my ex. I don’t know what to do
Other people have offered good suggestions for how to start. Give her a break. It may take awhile to get used to the idea of switching careers or making the one she's in something she can be happy about again. I met my boyfriend in college, we helped each other, lived together, and we gave each other tender and loving companionship.
We clicked in certain ways, we enjoyed doing certain things together, and we gave each other a comforting home to return to after work. But something was missing, and no matter how much I tried to avoid it by telling myself what a wonderfull guy he was, and how wonderfull his virtues were, I couldn't stop longing for the things that were missing, things I knew in my heart were important to my happiness.
In this partial satifsfaction I settled for 10 years, until my early thirties. I have many many happy memories from these years. Why did I avoid facing the truth that I really wanted to leave? Fear of the unknown and of being alone of course. Therapy and antidepressants helped.
Also maybe my biological clock was telling me, since I knew I wanted children, I better find the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Our break-up was as tender and caring as the relationship, and we will both always have a special place in each other's hearts. We're still warm and friendly when we see each other. I'm now happily married and have two beautiful babies, and I'm happier now then I've ever been in my life.
My only regret is that I didn't find my husband earlier, so that we could have started making our memories sooner. Its hard to turn down the cheescake, even though its so you can have the tirimisu, but you have to, to get the tirimisu. Your letter sounds to me like deep down you know its for the best. Oh, and don't feel guilty about wanting to cut loose a little. This is your heart urging you to free yourself, so you can look around some more, so you can find the Great Girl that IS for you.
She sounds stuck in other areas of her life. Possibly the breaking up would not be a bad thing, in that respect, it kind of kickstarts much-needed change.
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If you were willing to change anything at the moment, that would be a good sign for sticking it out. The stuckness, not so much. I found this answer to an older question particularly poignant. I think you should read it, too. It is you deciding to do what you want to do.
If that means you grow apart and it feels more "right" and easier to break up, that's what it means. If it means that she starts to see what she's not doing and what you want to do and decides to try joining you, that's what it means. Meanwhile, you can try telling her how much her depression is impacting you. This is the "stay with her" path. Of course, pretty much everyone ends a relationship with exactly your statements at exactly your age, so that's a well-trodden pathway. Its not uncommon for a long relationship to end amicably after running its course.
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I once coined the term "emotional inertia", which seems to fit this situation. It's easier to remain in a relationship that isn't working out than to leave and try and change things. As an aside, Emotional Inertia is the main reason people have affairs - it's much easier to leave when you know you have something new to move too - no-one really likes to be alone. Six months, a year spent in the wrong relationship is six months or a year of your life you'll never get back, and that you'll always regret wasting.
If something feels wrong, it probably is. Change the only thing about the relationship that you can - being in it. Have fun, do what you want to do. Be selfish because by the time you've realised that you should have been, it's too late. Wow, there are some pretty dodgy answers here, mefites. Anon , you sound like a loving supportive partner who has been doing all the right things for your lady. You are also very articulate and what you wrote is amazingly clear and communicative.
Sit her down and make sure you have her attention. Tell her exactly what you've written here or get her to read this post. You cannot go on like this indefinitely, obviously, so she needs to give you something to keep you in the relationship at this point.
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If she won't listen, or throws your concerns back at you, then you need to decide to save your own health, do the both of you a favour, and end it swiftly even if it's a "break" as opposed to a "break up". Everybody goes through tough ass times; it's great that you have been supportive and awesome, and we should all be so lucky. She needs to stop trying to drag you down into her misery, and start dragging herself up out of it. If she cannot agree to that, and agree to take some steps to making herself happy ie: I think you need to tell her everything.
I’m torn between my girlfriend and my ex. I don’t know what to do | Life and style | The Guardian
We've already come close twice. I need to know if you are willing to do something to improve this situation--and I will too--or if we should break up now because it's not gonna get any better. I love you, but this is wearing us both down, and if you're gonna choose to be miserable, I don't necessarily have to as well. The good news is that it's possible to leave someone you love and survive; the bad news is, it hurts.
I left someone I absolutely adored because he is a painter who wanted someone to look after the mundane bits of life while he created. He was miserable, too, as he had to work for a living while spending every spare minute painting and drawing all the while questioning his ability. Meanwhile, my life suffered. Whatever I wanted to do had to be sacrificed to his schedule, his needs.
I still think he's marvellous and totally wrong for me. Felt like I cut off my hand when I left it hurt so bad, but I did it to save my life. I wish we had been clever enough to have been just friends. So, look at what you want and choose as you have to consider the possibility that this pattern, this now, will be permanent, antidepressants or no antidepressants.
My painter was also in therapy and on meds for a while without any real change. He was in the middle of working out something in himself that took time, but the attitude regarding our respective roles remained the same. You need to be allowed to live a bigger life than this, to find your own life and not settle for less. She knows I want her to get counseling, but I've been trying not to push it too hard on her or to seem like I think that's an easy answer. I think my words on "missing out" were a bit misrepresentative. So, in your opinion, is this a "perfectly good relationship"?
Oh, and one thing that's particularly relevant that I forgot to add is that -- she partially feels the same way. There are minor incompatibilities that are always prevalent, but only come out when we're annoyed.
Related ive been dating my girlfriend for 2 years
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